My family of choice

You may not know this about me, but I'm an avid Buzzfeed reader. Some of the stories are wacky and not really "up my alley" but then some are very thought-provoking. Some, well some are just plain hilarious and make me laugh uncontrollably. Some of the posts are just plain wrong and I'll let you stumble upon them if you dare.



While perusing the site one day, I ran across an article entitled, "Why gay men still love 'The Golden Girls'."  The reference to one of the 80's greatest sit-coms and one of my personal favorite shows caught my attention. While I am not a gay man, I have to admit that I have quite a fondness for those four plucky older ladies who speak their minds. As I've rewatched the show into adulthood, I've been more and more impressed with the serious themes they tackle with humor and grace.

The article compares the four characters on the show to a concept well known in the LGBT community, a "family of choice." For a population of people who have, historically, faced ridicule and scorn by even those around them for whom love should be the expectation, the ability to choose who they consider "family" is pretty big. After all, if your family of origin (your birth family) calls you terrible things and rejects you, why wouldn't you want to surround yourself with people who love and care about you? This is the idea of a family of choice; a group of people who accept you for who you are and love you through the worst of times.

As a brief aside, let me address some of the "freak out" and knee jerk reaction some of you are likely having:

• Not all members of the LGBT community have negative experiences with coming out and being rejected by their family/friends. Some have incredibly positive experiences and are inspirational to others around them. That being said, enough have not had positive reactions to their news to have created this whole issue in the first place.
• I love my family of origin. Nothing in this post is intended to say that my family of origin, the family I was born with and the one I married into is anything short of amazing. Stick with me family. I'm going somewhere with this one.

So, "The Golden Girls," provides a framework for people to see a group of (mostly) unrelated individuals treating each other like family. These women care for one another, are hard on each other, and support each other through thick and thin. And, when needed, these women show how to attack any situation with humor.Yeah, I can see relating to that sort of group. I can even see needing a group like that in my life.

Oh wait, I have a family of choice something like that. It's called a church.

I've blogged recently about losing not one, but two grandfathers in the span of 6 months. Throughout my journey through the grief of this loss, my church family has been a constant source of strength. I routinely found myself saying, "I don't know how people get through this without a church family." Many people would stop me to say they were praying for our family. Countless folks stopped to offer a hug or a shoulder. Many offered a joke or witty comment that served to take my mind off of things. Singing in the choir reminded me of the glory of God and provided a group who would listen to my struggles. Teaching the youth at Sunday School taught me that the next generation is looking to us to hold it together, even when we feel like falling apart. My church family, my family of choice, has been life-changing.

Lots of people are choosing to not come to church anymore. We talk about it constantly in the church because everyone is afraid that religion is dying off. I think we don't do enough talking outside of church, articulating why our family of choice is so important. What would it look like if everyone knew that there were people that accepted them for who they were? What would it look like if the sad and downtrodden had a place to go where the people around them told them it would be alright? What would it look like if we stopped "doing church" and started acting more like "The Golden Girls?" Direct, honest, funny, supportive, resilient, bold, and joyful...

Now that's a family that I think we all would choose.