I feel certain that Dickens was not talking about the Blakely family when he wrote "A Tale of Two Cities back in 1895. That being said, the famous commentary on the times seems no less applicable to us these days. The last 8 months have been pretty rough. First, my step-grandfather (Mom's step-father) passed away. Then my grandfather (Dad's father) passed. And now, my grandmother (Mom's mother) has passed away as well. At some point in my life I have known five grandparents and been blessed by that experience. Now, I have one living still. Needless to say, it's been an emotional couple of months for all of us.
At the same time, the Farmville Blakely's are experiencing some positive stuff too. We've bought a house and begun some of the repair related items that are desperately needed. We've also continued to find new things to fix around every bend. As I understand it, that is one of the joys of home ownership. We've also gotten a new (to us) dog by the name of Penny that is bringing constant joy into the family. Oh and I've gotten blessed with the opportunity to serve a Director of Residence Life beginning in July. Finally, I'm writing this entry from the Bozeman, MT airport as I travel back from the Longwood University@Yellowstone National Park trip that I'm a part of. And, I'm traveling home to see my baby brother graduate from Lynchburg College tomorrow. There really is a lot of great things going on with the family.
Unfortunately, our sense of loss clouds the positive events as we come to terms with the most recent loss of our grandmother. This growing up thing is not easy and stuff like this is making it harder. I was fortunate to receive the news while in Yellowstone National Park and so I could immerse myself into the wonders all around me. It made the loss no less painful but certainly distracted me from it for a time. Now, as I transition away from the field component of the course and back to everyday life, I find myself focusing on the inevitable grief that confronts me. Although I've faced this twice before in the last year, it makes this most recent death no less painful.
My grandmother, Betty Driskell, was a funny woman. She was witty with a dry sense of humor. She danced and cooked and enjoyed life. She lived to be 94 and was an inspiration on how to just keep pushing on. I did not always agree with her views on things but she was always kind and warm to me. I'm sad that I didn't get to see her more but always enjoyed retreating to her home in the mountains to reconnect with nature.
What is perhaps worse for me right now is the profound sense of absurdity that this year has acquired. Everything seems so surreal right now and I'm finding it hard to connect with those around me. I'm finding it hard to empathize with their emotions because mine are so ever present. I've prided myself on being a helper to others and now I don't feel equipped to help. Hopefully, time and the emotional support of those around me will help me move back to a place where I can help others again.
Normally I like to end my blog posts with an uplifting resolution to the situation at hand. I like to tie up the post with a conclusion or denouement that leaves the reader with a sense of hope for the future. Although I am hopeful for the future, after all "the best of all, God is with us," I'm not going to go in that direction now. Instead, I think it is more appropriate to simply remain in the heartbreak for a while and offer this prayer
Lord, in my grief, be present.
Lord, in my sorrow, be near.
Lord, have mercy, amen
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