"How is it with your soul?"

Early on in the pregnancy process, the Mrs. and I were so excited to be pregnant but were unable to share it with anyone. We had decided to not share with others that we were pregnant until closer to the 12^th week in an attempt to get out of the high-risk time. All of our nervous excitement had to go somewhere, though, so we found ourselves sneaking into a bookstore to buy a book about our new condition. Since Lynds and I are both something of bibliophiles, we decided to limit ourselves and only buy one book to read each. Lyndsie, of course, settled on the classic, “What To Expect When You’re Expecting.” I went for a less conventional choice with, “Dude, You’re Gonna Be A Dad!”

With section titles like, “I saw the sign and it opened up her cervix”, it took me less than a week to read it cover to cover. Somewhere in there, and the direct quote escapes me, the author, John Pfeiffer, talks about fathers-to-be coming to terms with their own mortality. It seems the impending arrival of the next generation has a tendency to make fathers think about the fact that they are getting older themselves. Add onto this the fact that I’ve inadvertently picked up three or four fiction books recently that deal with the theme of death and I’ve been in for some serious introspection.

To round out the equation of terror, here we are in the middle of the liturgical season of Lent in the Christian church. For those of you unfamiliar with Lent, or unaware of its significance beyond giving up chocolate, this is the time in the church calendar when we prepare for the death of Christ on Good Friday and, thankfully, His resurrection on Easter morning. Naturally, the focus in the church and in our personal nightly devotionals has turned towards death and beyond.

Yikes. Can you see why I fell asleep almost every night last week on the verge of a panic attack?

There are very few times in my life when I have been comfortable with the idea of death. Please don’t misunderstand me: I have a very strong faith, I know the teachings of the Christian church well, and I’m confident in the promises of a God that I feel very strongly moving in the world today. That being said, I struggle consistently with this issue. As I said, I fell asleep all last week with this subject on my mind and it only seemed natural that church would answer my unspoken prayer.

Church this past Sunday didn’t directly speak to the issue of death or the like but something interesting did happen for me. The Mrs. and I sing in the choir at our church and when we arrived for warm-ups prior to the service, we discovered that our choir director was not in attendance due to some personal issues that popped up unexpectedly. I quickly remembered the times when the choir director was there to direct a difficult piece and reflected on the feeling.

I’ve never felt more complete, more fulfilled, than singing in our choir. When the choir is having a good day and has nailed a song of pure adoration (hallelujah chorus type stuff), it’s like I finally understand what the hymnist Horatio Spafford wrote in the 1800’s,

“And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight, The clouds be rolled back as a scroll; The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend, Even so, it is well with my soul.”

It is in those theophanic (look it up) moments when I feel that I may just have a glimpse of what is to come. So, although I didn’t have one of those experiences at church this Sunday, I definitely was reminded of my past encounters with the divine and took heart. And so, I will take heart in the old hymns and join with their song to say, “It is well, with my soul.”