This pregnancy thing has really opened my eyes to some of the common things that people say and do. It seems that there are some standard things that are said to people or done around them as they go throughout their pregnancy; I had no idea!
To preempt what I know is inevitable at the conclusion of this post, this shouldn’t prompt apologies or changes in people’s behavior. These are simply my observations of the experience so far and they certainly aren’t negative (mostly).
“Are you going to find out the sex of the baby?”
This question, or some form of it, has been asked to us about a million times since we announced our impending BB. The Mrs. and I decided prior to the big announcement that, although we will be finding out the sex, we would be keeping the sex of the child private from the rest of the world. When asked if we would be finding out the sex of the child, we have consistently responded with our plan to keep things private for us. You would not believe the amount of frustration that people express at this.
It seems that there is some misguided thought that our child’s sex is, somehow, a matter of public discourse. Since the beginning of this pregnancy process our personal lives have been thrown open for the world. My wife has had people looking literally into her body. We’ve both had to disclose incredibly personal information and medical histories. It’s all a bit uncomfortable to have our lives thrown wide open like this. While I recognize that the interest all comes from a place of caring and excitement, at this point we simply would like to keep our child’s private parts, well…private.
“Is Lyndsie feeling ok?”
It’s amazing how many people are incredibly concerned about how Mama (to be) is feeling. This question seems to follow directly after the question of sex. You know what is conspicuously absent from the conversation (with the exception of literally ONE person), how I’M feeling.
Don’t get me wrong; my wife is doing an amazing thing by growing another human being. She is putting in a lot of hard work daily to develop our little BB. I know she is tired, doesn’t feel great sometimes, and is adjusting to her changing body. Routinely she wakes up in the middle of the night with backaches and headaches and all manner of aches I can only imagine. There are certainly a number of reasons for people to ask how she is doing.
That being said, I’m not exactly kicking back with my feet up myself. I’m also waking up in the middle of the night (sometimes with her aches of various sorts and sometimes out of terror at my impending fatherhood). I’m also beginning to feel the nesting instinct which is resulting in lists of things to get done and then frustration when there isn’t enough time in the day to get them done (like this blog entry that has been on my to do list for a week or so). I’m not asking for folks to ignore BB’s chauffer/incubator but I’m just looking for a little equal treatment here…ok, maybe not equal treatment but maybe getting noticed every once in a while.
Thank you Mr. Dave for consistently asking how I’m feeling.
The tummy rub
Why, oh why, do people think it suddenly becomes acceptable to rub parts of my wife that, prior to the pregnancy, were completely off-limits? If you wouldn’t touch a non-pregnant person someplace, maybe you shouldn’t touch the pregnant lady there. This consistently seems to happen from people who genuinely are concerned about how my wife is doing. She always takes it in stride and doesn’t smack the hand that is groping her but my protective instinct gets triggered every time. It’s almost like I feel the people touching my wife are trying to lay a claim on my unborn child. I will also confess, I’m secretly waiting for the time when my wife goes into a hormone-fueled rage, forcefully removing the offending body part.
“You’re really starting to show!”
This little comment seems to pop up if someone hasn’t seen Lyndsie in a while. It seems that folks don’t know how to ask Lyndsie how she is doing without defaulting to the obvious. So, inevitably, they make some sort of comment on the size of her baby bump. I do admit that BB is really making his or her presence known so it certainly is an easy thing to notice these days.
I really want the Mrs. to begin freaking people out with her response to these sorts of comments. I’m picturing her saying things like, “What to you mean showing? I’m not pregnant!” and then watching as the horror spreads through the person who thinks they’ve shoved their foot down their throat. Another option would be, “Holy cow! I hadn’t realized I was pregnant!” There’s been enough people who didn’t know they were pregnant beforehand that this could prove amusing.
These things have popped up consistently over the course of the last few weeks. Again, I know that folks are reading this and want to begin apologizing but I sure hope you won’t. Although some of these things are frustrating, they are only so because people consistently do them. Taken individually, each instance of a conversation or actions such as these are really expressions of caring and concern for BB and us. It isn’t until they happen for the 500th time that trends begin to emerge.
Thank you for caring about our growing family.
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